Trust

How much is too much when it comes to trusting others?

From a very young age my parents taught me to be humble and kind to one another, never let anger or words hurt you. They taught me to stay calm and if ever I became involved in a situation where the other person is raising their voice, stay quiet and walk away.

People take advantage of you if you’re an “easy going person”. If you show kindness and help towards others, you easily get trampled on. Is losing trust in people comes down to your past experience? I believe so. I trusted someone, he thought that I was an easy going person who would turn a blind eye even after finding out everything that he used to get up to. I used to stay quiet at times knowing that if I vent my anger out on him situation could get out of hand, so I remained silent. I wasn’t scared of confronting him, as I knew I wasn’t in the wrong, but instead of understanding my feelings, he only thought about himself and his greedy family back home.

It’s funny how a person’s personality can change in a split second, the character changes from being someone so kind to someone so “evil”, whose motive is only to achieve wealth and credibility.

2011, was the turning point of my life when one day he came home from work and told me that he was sending me and my son (who was 1 year old at that time) to stay with his family to his country so that he could clear the anonymous debts that he incurred. I refused on the basis that I was still recovering from a life and death operation which I went through during my first pregnancy. But as that was not his business he was adamant that he “would” still send me regardless of whatever I say. As I refused, he tried to manipulate my parents to talk some sense into me, but as my parents were on my side and also refused he then became angry at me and was an inch away of raising his hand on me. As I was in my senses, I stopped him from hitting me.

I’ve never experienced physical abuse in my relationship, but I think this was close enough to be in that category.

You know when you get a sense within yourself saying walk away..? Well, I had that feeling inside me, a voice that was warning me that life ahead would be very bitter, so walk away now from this relationship while you can. But like many, I didn’t, I still trusted him and gave him another chance, only because he was apologetic.

Would you forgive your partner for cheating? What if they were cheating more than once? would you give them another chance to fix themselves up or else you’ll be out the door? I did that, I read many messages and emails to more than one woman. I wasn’t scared to look him in the eye and confront him. In fact, I felt very brave and strong. But like most people when you know they been caught they don’t know what to say other than to deny everything, which he was very good at. There was a time when he woke up in the middle of the night, picked up his packet of Cigarettes along with his car keys and went outside and sat in his car, talking for more than 4 hours. He really thought that I was so dumb not to see what was going on. When I asked him in the morning who he was talking to in his car, he said he received a call from his work colleagues to pick them up from the airport. The hilarious part was that the car never moved from its place. So he was lying to me. Unless he had wings and flew their and back.

One thing that made me realise was when you put trust in someone so much, and that person keeps on betraying you become numb. when you sacrifice your life and career for your partner and then get treated like trash and get thrown away in a corner, just because they’ve achieved everything they wanted –does that hurt?. how does it make you feel that you’ve been used as a stepping stone to achieve someones worldly- goals?

I struggle to “trust” people that are being “nice”, because I can't differentiate if someone is actually true to their words. Many people would say that not all are the same - I agree! But when you have trust issues you think everyone falls into that category, because you’ve been hurt once you don’t want to be hurt again. Being cheated upon and lied to sure does change your perception in the way you think about people and life.

Here’s a thought… Next time you see someone being kind, helpful and down to earth, try not to take advantage of them.